My time: 17:28, about two and a half minutes faster than average. I'm amazed, because this seemed very tough! I remained IN ERROR for quite a while on a few things.
I had the most trouble in the northwest and southeast corners. In the northwest, the problem was mainly "flatten like a bug." I tried *SQUASH and *SQUISH before having to tear it all out and start anew, and fell upon the unlikelier SMOOSH.
It also didn't help that directly under SMOOSH, "many a bug" had me drawing a blank. It's HEXAPOD, which of course means "six-legged."
In the southeast, "bumptious" had me putting *SNOBBY and then trying *SNOBBY but it's SNOTTY, which doesn't really mean proud, which "bumptious" does.
Above SNOTTY is "marathon runner's wear," or RACE BIB, not a word that comes to me quickly, and also "rubber production?" for which I put *ERASERS but it's ERASURE, which works better as a joke.
"Tart taproom offering" is SOUR ALE, which certainly follows, but I've never heard the term. Even though I used to enjoy a nice Belgian lambic.
It's not clever, but "chain restaurant, or what a kangaroo might say" for IHOP make me chuckle.
"It's administered for shedding" had me fixated on hair and pets but it's WEIGHT LOSS PILL.
I forgot all about HETTY Green, the "Witch of Wall Street." She made a fortune as a fanancier but was notorious for being a miser. According to her longstanding "World's Greatest Miser" entry in the Guinness Book of World Records, she died of apoplexy after arguing with a maid over the virtues of skimmed milk. True or not, that's a great story.
"Hebrew name meaning 'ascent'" is ELI. I thought that meant "God." It turns out there are two branches of the same name, derived from two separate Hebrew roots.
Eponym of the NHL's points leader award is ART ROSS, an early twentieth-century player turned coach, after whom is named the ART ROSS Trophy. It was first awarded in 1948.
I was dubious about my answer *UTES to "some travelers along the Oregon Trail," and of course it turned out to be OXEN.
"Mix-and-match children's clothing brand" is GARANIMALS, which I vaguely remembered from ads from my own childhood. I don't know if I ever wore any, though. I did wear Underoos. Remember Underoos?
I've never read the stupid-sounding Da Vinci Code, so "Priory of SION" was a new one to me. Apparently it was a real society, founded in 1956, apparently set up to do good deeds and encourage study.
SAMOS, an island in the Aegean Sea, came up on December 6, 2017 as an ancient member of the Ionian League.
Clever clues: I thought "star attraction" would be something about gravity, but it's CELEBRITY CRUSH. "Guard's place" is SHIN. I had no idea what three-letter word could be a "sporting blade" but it's OAR. "Final exam?" is AUTOPSY. "Look inside, say" is MRI SCAN.
This was a tough one! I do like a nice challenging Saturday. I'm out! (DROP THE MIC.)
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